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Tuesday, June 16, 2009
For the longest time I thought I'd lost the best of me
But I'll be damned if I quit now and that's for sure
All I ever wanted was for you to look at me
And know I'm all yours
Like the penguins need their wings for deep cold water dives
Like the earth needs the moon to keep it on course
When you touch me, I know there is purpose in my life
Just know I'm all yours
I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I've been wondering if you could ever realize
That we're growing up so fast, and it's insane
My dear our hearts have gotten good at pumping cheap new lust
Into our young veins
Suddenly I understand everything I couldn't comprehend
I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs
All this time I've spent without you by my side, I dreamt about you
Saw you through the windows in my mind
Carved a home for you deep down inside my chest
And I never want to
lose such a big part of me again
... lose such a big part of me again
I'm a mess, I confess that I'm nothing without you
And there is nothing I can do to prove to you I'm being honest
Now I see, everything; and yes I've known it all along
I was so lost, but I'm back and I finally know now where my heart belongs
Current mood:  cheerful Current music: "Back Burner" August Burns Red
It's ok this year :]
I like it a bit.
My cousin's friends are treating me like a person rather than some girl.
:D
kai I'm done.
xoxo
Current mood:  JustWokeUp Current music: "Come What May" The Scene Aesthetic
Monday, May 18, 2009
It's raining. It's fucking beautiful outside.
The only image going through my head is Brent and I standing outside in the pouring rain and then he suddenly pulls me closer, whispers in my ear "I love you kitten" and then kisses me on my forehead.
Am I really taking this too hard?
I feel like it's all my fucking fault..even though it's probably not.
I can't stop crying. This is horrible. I'm miserable.
Although I do feel better than I did last night.
We were texting..good sign, right?
He apologized. His exacts words were "U to jenna i love u i always care i wont hate u and im sorry i hurt u"
Why can't he just come over and tell me that to my face?
I think I'm gonna go sit out in the rain..it's too pretty to pass up..
Love<3 Peace<3
xoxo
Current mood:  crying Current music: "She Makes Dirty Words Sound Pretty" Vic Fuentes and Jonny Craig
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Brent broke up with me..
He wants to be just friends.
I kept telling him I'm not ready for this relationship to be over.
I'm not ready for it to end but it's over.
I feel like I'm dying.
And Liz did the worst thing ever.
She came over to cheer me up [not bad, very good] and she brought Kelley along [Brent's ex girlfriend, whom he hates] and she took us to Panera.
Well I told her not to say anything to him because I knew he would be pissed.
What the fuck does she do?! She tells him.
She was trying to "protect" me from him saying he's horrible.
LET ME LEARN THINGS ON MY OWN. I DON'T LEARN FROM THAT SHIT.
I need to learn things on my own to get it.
I feel so alone right now.
I feel like she ruined my only chance of getting back together with him.
xoxo
PS: I've been crying since one. FML
Current mood: crying Current music: "Don't Be That Note That I Can't Hold" The Scene Aestehtic
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Josh: Right now. FUCK YOU. You know how I am. You fucking know how hurt I get when you have a new girlfriend. Hmpf..
How is it that the people you love the most hurt you the most?
How is it that somebody who makes me so god damn happy can hurt me so much?
WHY DO I CARE?! I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend! Brent! Fucking Brent!
He makes me happy god dammit, so why the hell do I care?!
FUCKINGWHY?!
xoxo
Current mood: hurt. Current music: "Fucking Boyfriend" The Bird And The Bee
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I think she sees what she's doing to the dog.
I think she's going to let us put her to sleep soon.
Definitely a good thing.
Out.
Ohgod. I gave in and got a twitter, btw XD
Not too bad..
xoxo
Current mood: okay Current music: "Don't Be That Note" The Scene Aesthetic
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Blush is dying.
She fucking has cancer..bone cancer.
And it spread to her damn lungs.
I can't take looking at her any more.
I can see the huge tumor on her fucking shoulder and it makes me cry.
I can't do it..
Rachelle won't let us put her down..
She wants her to die naturally.
That is fucking killing me right now.
I just want to put her to sleep and have her be out of pain.
Take her out of her pain and misery, god please..
It literally hurts my heart when I look at her.
It literally kills me inside when I see her look at me and smile and start panting..
It's so damn sad knowing that she's not going to be around for much longer..
God dammit..please just let her die soon.
I don't want her to run out of pain medication before she dies.
I want her to be comfortable..
I love you Blush</3
xoxo
Current mood: sad Current music: "No Sleep Like Ours" Cure For Caska
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Last night ownedd.
Irrational was amazingg.
I have pictures with them all and I have an awkward burn.
Haha.
Peace<3
xoxo
Current mood: tired Current music: "Bree Bree" brokeNCYDE
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Three years today.
He stole my heart.
I love the boy..With all my heart and soul.
I know he loves me in return.
I can never express my love for him completely, but I can try..Every year of my life I can attempt to tell him how much he means to me.
Rion Joshua Irwin, I fall in love with you more and more each day.
Every second, every minute, every hour.
I treasure it.
I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
I want to grow old with you.
I want to have children with you.
I want to spend every moment of my life with you.
Through every fight and through all the pitter pattery moments.
We will make it through my love.
We will prevail together.
Forever and ever, my love♥
xoxo
PS: I'm such a girl when it comes to this shitt.
Current mood:  Pitter Pattery Current music: "Walk This Town" Andrew de Torres
Monday, April 6, 2009
So.
My mom said I could go to Tennessee the day after I get out of school for a week<3
AMG I'M SO EXCITED<3
June 6th is when I'm heading to the airport to see my bbylove again<33333
I'm so god damn excited :D
I think it's 69 days now...Lemme check. Nope, 60 days :]
Can't wait<333
Anyways. I'm out niggaz!
xoxo
Current mood:  chipper Current music: "Get Crunk" BrokeNCYDE
Thursday, April 2, 2009
[19:51] GARRETT: hehe well i gtg, ttyl ex neighbor
[19:51] GraveyardStrutr: peaceee
Amg. So AMAZING.
xoxo
Current mood:  bouncy Current music: "rockSTAR" BrokeNCYDE
AMGAMGAMG
[19:26] GARRETT: hey
[19:26] GraveyardStrutr: hello
[19:26] GARRETT: you live on ridge dr?
[19:26] GraveyardStrutr: yeah
[19:27] GARRETT: off of linden and high street?
[19:27] GARRETT: how long
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: yeah.
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: ever since i was born? haha
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: why?
[19:27] GARRETT: I used to live with andy on the corner of high and linden
[19:27] GARRETT: for 2 years
[19:27] GARRETT: 2006 to 2008
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: WHAT?!
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: you're kidding rightt?!
[19:27] GARRETT: 2336 High Street
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: the corner?
[19:27] GraveyardStrutr: you're fucking kidding?
[19:28] GARRETT: we had big partys there after shows some times
[19:28] GARRETT: haha no...
[19:28] GraveyardStrutr: ;alksjd!
[19:28] GraveyardStrutr: duuude.
[19:28] GraveyardStrutr: seriouslyy?
[19:28] GARRETT: i lived in the back house
[19:28] GraveyardStrutr: wtff. i've lived in this neighborhood all my lifee
[19:28] GARRETT: 2336 High street for 2 years
[19:28] GARRETT: i jogged in the neighborhood
[19:28] GraveyardStrutr: ...dammit
[19:28] GraveyardStrutr: i really need to lay off the pot and start paying attention more
[19:29] GARRETT: haha
[19:29] GARRETT: word
[19:29] GraveyardStrutr: starting..
[19:29] GraveyardStrutr: tomorrow >.>
[19:29] GARRETT: yeah i lived 100 yards from you probally
[19:29] GraveyardStrutr: god dammittt
[19:29] GraveyardStrutr: that pisses me off that i'm so obliviouss!
[19:30] GARRETT: haha yeah
[19:30] GARRETT: some full sail kids live there now
[19:30] GARRETT: but yeah i had alot of fun over there
[19:30] GraveyardStrutr: i'm too oblivious -_-
[19:30] GARRETT: you probally didnt even know who irrational was
[19:30] GARRETT: at the time though
[19:30] GraveyardStrutr: not yet >.>
[19:31] GraveyardStrutr: haha. but a bunch of my friends knew about irrational..and FAILED to tell me of the greatness.
[19:31] GraveyardStrutr: now i'm obsessed. haha.
[19:32] GARRETT: haha
[19:32] GARRETT: well you lived by me
[19:32] GARRETT: we wrote alot of the songs over there
[19:32] GraveyardStrutr: dammitdammit!
[19:33] GraveyardStrutr: wait a minute.
[19:34] GraveyardStrutr: wait..i think i know where you're talking about
[19:34] GraveyardStrutr: i have an idea, but i'm thinking of the CORNER where i used to cut through to get to the apartments
[19:35] GraveyardStrutr: where my friend used to live
[19:35] GARRETT: yeah
[19:35] GraveyardStrutr: you know what i'm talking about right?
[19:36] GraveyardStrutr: i used to sneak in through those dude's backyard to get to signal point and smoke. haha
[19:38] GraveyardStrutr: duude. you lived there when i looked COMPLETELY different. dressed differently. different hair colour/length/style
[19:41] GraveyardStrutr: funny thing is. i didn't know about irrational then, but i knew about recreational revenge around that time
POINT IS. GARRETT USED TO LIVE BY ME GUYS<3333 AMGAMG! *DIES*
That is so fucking exciting!
:D
*dies some more* Gonna rant to Jenny :D...AND TALK TO GARRETT SOME MORE<3
xoxo
Current mood: excited Current music: "rockSTAR" BrokeNCYDE
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Not all that great guys.
I tried a fluffer nutter for the first time today in cafe and it wasn't all too great.
I mean, the taste was unique and good.
It's just too sweet for my tastes buds, I love things that are kinda bitter. Dark chocolate? haha :D
But yeah.
Too sweet for me.
Hm..
I think that's all I'm gonna say.
Oh yeah.
It's kinda awkward eating a fluffer nutter having my tongue webbing pierced..
Extremely awkward actually >.>
Anyways.
I'm out<3
xoxo
Current mood: calm Current music: Andrew de Torres<333
Monday, March 30, 2009
So update on my beach trip that happened Saturday.
Well, Liz called me Saturday afternoon while I was waiting for Eric and Kirsty to come pick me up.
She asks me what I'm doing today and I tell her I'm going to the beach. She wanted to know if she could go, and I told her to ask Eric.
Next thing I know, the girl's at my house changing into a bikini ;]<3 :D Hahaha.
Eric doesn't come pick us up until..about...Noonish.
We stop at the Sunoco and buy cigarettes, water, and gas so we don't die out there xD
Then we were off.
We had a giant bag filled with clothes, a few waters [we had a cooler, but just in case, y'know?], my book, and everybody's wallets and electronics xD
Liz and I were lazy-asses and laid out most of the time.
Hence my giant burn XD [No sunscreen, lmfao]
The car ride there was so much fucking fun. Let's say 2 different iPods with many, many different genres on them XD
Needless to say, we had the whole car rockin ;] XD
Lmfao, along with the ride home.
Also.
We're going again next week. Chisel Chest is going with us and he's riding up in the cab, while Eric's riding in the truck bed...like the true mexican he is XD Hahah. I love that kid<3333
Uhm..
Well..We had loads of fun, I definitely can't wait for next week<333333333
Haha. Oh yeah. Like I said in the past post, I got my tongue webbing pierced.
I'm going to be getting my belly button and my daith pierced during spring break.
Mucho fun ;] :D<333333
Anyways I'm out.
xoxo
PS: Anybody going to the Irrational show April 10th at Firestone? If you are you should get your free tickets now :D Much love, Loyalists<33333
Current mood: excited Current music: "This Is A Test" Irrational
I FOUND OUT THE GREATEST THING EVER!
I found out that when a solicitor calls and you put the phone up to your computer speaker and blast Recreational Revenge that they hang up!
It was fucking amazing.
Best discovery of my life.
Every time a solicitor calls I'm gonna blast either RR or ISMFOF. Bahaha.
Ahh.
Can't wait for June<3
xoxo
PS: Liz pierced my tongue webbing on Saturday night ;P
Current mood: accomplished Current music: "Colorado Sunrise" 3OH!3
Friday, March 27, 2009
I haven't talked to Josh all day.
So I'm gonna post my phobias of how I'm feeling...
And basically all my phobias.
The ones bolded are my my regular phobias.
Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting. [Josh]
Batrachophobia- Fear of amphibians, such as frogs, newts, salamanders, etc.
Bufonophobia- Fear of toads.
Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
Contreltophobia- Fear of sexual abuse.
Dromophobia- Fear of crossing streets. [I'm afraid I'll get hit o.o]
Gephyrophobia or Gephydrophobia or Gephysrophobia- Fear of crossing bridges.
Haphephobia or Haptephobia- Fear of being touched. [I get nervous when people I don't know are touching me..]
Herpetophobia- Fear of reptiles or creepy, crawly things.
Isolophobia- Fear of solitude, being alone. [Josh]
Katagelophobia- Fear of ridicule.
Myxophobia- Fear of slime. (Blennophobia)
Necrophobia- Fear of death or dead things.
Obesophobia- Fear of gaining weight.(Pocrescophobia) [That goes for losing weight too o.o]
Dystichiphobia- Fear of car accidents.
Ophidiophobia- Fear of snakes. (Snakephobia)
Necrophobia - a fear of dying or loved ones dying [Josh]
Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love. [Josh- the reason I put this one up is because I've already been hurt..by him]
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking. [Josh. I think too much]
Pharmacophobia- Fear of drugs. [Certain ones make me nervous]
Selachophobia- Fear of sharks. [I think they're cool, but they scare the shit out of me]
Selenophobia- Fear of the moon. [Just thought it was funny, I'm not afraid of the moon]
Siderophobia- Fear of stars. [Once again, just thought it was funny, cause Joshybby is my Star Ninja<3]
Social Phobia- Fear of being evaluated negatively in social situations.
Soteriophobia - Fear of dependence on others. [Josh]
Taphephobia Taphophobia- Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries.
Thanatophobia or Thantophobia- Fear of death or dying.
Monophobia- Fear of being abandoned. [Josh]
Tomophobia- Fear of surgical operations.
Virginitiphobia- Fear of rape.
Zelophobia- Fear of jealousy.
Anyways.
That's all I could find on this one website.
Peace.
xoxo
Current mood:  nervous Current music: Andrew de Torres<333
So we have today off of school [hellfuckingyes:D]
And I'm just sitting at home alone waiting for mom to come home from work so we can go to our physical therapy appointment.
Apparently from what she says it'll be our last [THANK YOU!]
I've been severely bored there.
Although It's been nice getting a massage...
Anyways XD
JuneJuneJune<333
Come sooner you glorious month<333
Ohhh.
I'm going to the beach tomorrow with Eric and his friend.
HELLYES, NIGGA!
Anyways.
I'm out.
Peace<333333
Current mood:  ecstatic Current music: "Skeletons" Wednesday 13
Thursday, March 26, 2009
So I asked mom yesterday about Tennessee for spring break.
She said no :[
But you know what?
It's ok.
Because she said that I can go for a week before I leave to see my dad in the summer<3
I'm super stoked about that<3
FUCKING JUNE<3333
xoxo
Current music: Andrew de Torres<333
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Guys. I've been obsessing over this for almost 2 hours now.
Listen to it.
Fall in love with it.
I can't wait until their new CD comes out so I can buy it and put this song on fucking repeat<333333333
Much love.
Ohyeah. I'm gonna see what mom's verdict is today about Tennessee.
Hopefully she'll say yes.
Lets hope she will kiddos!<3
xoxo
PS: "Look In My Eyes Tell Me That I Lie. Because I've Never Been So Sure Of Anything In My Life" is definitely my favorite part of that song<3333
Current mood: happy Current music: Andrew de Torres<333
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
So I asked mom yesterday about me going to Tennessee....
Well...
She didn't say yes...
BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY NO!
Holy shit I'm so fucking excited.
It just means that I'm that much closer to a yes!
Guys.
I'm so excited and happy I could cry.
I honestly have the greatest feeling ever that she'll say yes.
Please just let her "I'll think about it" [but not saying it in an angry fashion :D] turn into a "yes" or at least an "ok"
<33333333333
xoxo
Current mood: ecstatic Current music: "She Makes Dirty Words Sound Pretty" Pierce The Veil Ft. Jonny Craig of Emarosa
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